A Farewell of Sorts

When I started this blog I was 17 and living in Portsmouth. Five years later, my need to "live life out loud" has dwindled. But my desire to live a quiet but big life is ever kindled. With that, writing and sharing all my thoughts, ideas, and life events with the interwebs has lost its appeal. I know, I know. We live in the facebook, twitter, youtube, tumblr, etc. day. But, not my thing. Don't worry. Life goes on. You just have to interact with me in human form to know what new exciting things I'm doing.

This blog has seen me through a lot of exciting adventures both good and bad. I started this blog at the genesis of my college experience. Now I'm ending it at close of my grad school experience. To those who have read... Thank you!  It's been fun. 

I'm out.

Drop the mic.

Welcome to 22

After a hiatus of sorts, I've decided to return to this blog as my own little corner of the web. Granted, I rarely have enough interest in knowing what's going on in anyone's head to read facebook posts, let alone entire blog posts. But here I am anyways.

Oh my 21. What a year. Let's be honest, it was kind of the worst. Like a lot. While I was 21 I... did not graduate from grad school, cancelled my mission call, moved back in with my parents, and have done nothing with my life. Basically, I'm a winner.

But don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds. This year has taught me that (1) things never go as planned... shocker (2) as uncomfortable as it is to admit and accept, I can't do it alone and I have to be willing to rely on other people sometimes, and maybe a lot of times and (3) I have the absolute most generous and supportive parents anyone could ask for (I already knew that, but it has been re-enforced to the max).

This year has contained the death of one of my best friends, 2 times driving to Ohio and back, 2 moves across the country, over 25 airplane rides (but really), the proposal of my thesis, one of the most fun summers I've ever had, and lots of confusion of where I'm supposed to go and where I'm supposed to be.

Last week, to celebrate the end of a year that while profoundly eventful, was not my favorite thus far, and the beginning of what I expect to be one of the best years yet, my roommates and I drove up to Kamas and hiked my favorite hike of all time. It's gorgeous and super easy. Hence, my favorite.

 

In case you're wondering where I am now and what I'm up to. I'm in Provo, working on my thesis for grad school and trying to graduate! I just decided that I am going to stay in Provo this fall. What I'll be doing in Provo this fall isn't completely clear but I always figure it out one way or another. 

Here's to being 22!

Good Mornin'

I got a little spud of a surprise from my kitchen cabinet this morning. I can't decide if its a heart, a mitten, or a dinosaur foot. 

Since the Last

Long time no post.

Since we last met, I have moved across the country, made two trips back to Utah, written a thesis, proposed my thesis, had my MTC date change twice, given a farewell talk, cancelled my mission after my farewell talk (yea, awkward), and now begun to pack to move across the country once again.

WHAT THE RANDOM? 

Over the past 6 months I have stayed on many a couches, had many a bawl fests, participated in many a thesis-sessions, and had many a supportive friends, family, roommates, leaders, professors, and ward members present and past. The theme of these past few months has been constantly staying on my toes, and adapting quickly when things change. Because it feels like they always do. And when things don't work out, there's always something just as good or better waiting. Sometimes you have to let things fall through and wait to see what great things await you. Which is where I am right now. Waiting to find out what great things await me.

My full mission call to present story will be shared soon, but here's a snippet: 

The day I decided I would be cancelling my mission call and moving back to Provo I was in Provo at my old apartment complex. I texted one of my roommates (from last semester, but once a roommate always a roommate) to inform her I had some news. When she got home from work she came looking for me around the apartment complex because I wasn't home. As soon as she walked in to the apartment I was in I just said "Do you want to live with me this summer?" She screamed "YES!" and jumped on me to give me a huge hug.

Later that day another one of my past roommates (who I lived with for a year) got home. This dear friend's wedding is this summer and I was going to miss it because of my mission. When she walked in I just said "Can I come to your wedding?" She immediately teared up with joy.

Basically, if you are one of the people who was supportive and understanding of my life changing a million times over the past few months.... THANK YOU. And the responses of my roommates was not shared to show how great I am (although I am kinda great), but to show that if I've gotta stay, I'm staying to a beautiful life full of people who love me. I'm a pretty lucky lady.

The Ushe

We have no hot water. 

I need to shower. 

Thus I need to kill a few minutes waiting for the tank to fill up.

Thus I will write about nothing on my blog. 

I move home... in 2 weeks exactly. 

I leave on a mission to California... in 75 days. Yeah, I got my new MTC date if you didn't hear (February 13th).

I graduate... probably never :) 

I have an Oakcrest reunion in... 21 days. 

I dance... all the time.

I laugh... often enough for now. 

So in case you were wondering. That's the update. Happy Friday!

I'm In Love, I'm In Love!

And I didn't even know it. Some friends and I were driving around up in the mountains looking for trail head and we stumbled across this beauty.

. I asked if any of the boys I was with had purposely placed this because they knew we would be driving that road that day. But alas, none of them have the initials KF. But apparently whoever KF is, we have a beautiful relationship. Beautiful enough for graffiti. I was touched. Now I just have to find him :)

This is Not What I Planned...

I've been incredibly blessed in my life. I have dreamed so many things and watched them come to life. I wanted to graduate college at 18. It happened. I wanted to go to Oakcrest twice. It happened. I wanted to come to BYU for grad school. It happened. I think you get the drift. 

So, in my mondo spoiled life thus far I can say that being in Provo at BYU still is the first time a large life transition (or lack there of) has not been what I planned. My MTC date was last Wednesday. And I'm not on a mission. At least 8 times this week I have ran into someone on campus and they've looked at me funny and said "Aren't you supposed to be on a mission?" And I have to explain, it's coming. Just not yet. 

I think everyone has these moments in life. Explaining to people why you are not doing what they expected you, or even what YOU expected you to do. I feel for those people who have had to do this multiple times and with bigger issues. Like why they are not marrying the person they were engaged to, or why they haven't had kids yet. You know... the stuff that everyone is always nosy about, and that is fun to share when things go as planned but mortifying to explain when they don't.

Honestly, I'm starting to feel like the old girl that's done with school and just hangs around but no one understands why. The one that's always a little weird. And creepy. But then I remind myself, I'm 21. It's ok to still be at college. And as for the fact that I'm taking 3 years to do my master's instead of 2. That's ok too. In my program, lots of people do actually.  A little less than 50% to be exact.

I am grateful for people in my life that make my decisions and paths seem normal. Earlier this week, with genuine interest and care, the wife of a member of the Bishopric in my ward (meaning the wife of one of my church leaders) asked me what the plan was. I explained that things had changed and I am now leaving in February. She said, "You know what, sometimes we have to wait for things we really want. And in the mean time maybe there's important work you need to do here." I've been telling myself that all along but hearing that from someone besides myself was really comforting. And then the girl sitting next to me in my mission prep class today said "I was planning on leaving this summer, but for some reason I needed to stay. I don't really know why, but I needed to stay for one more semester." Amen sister. 

In short, the Lord provides comfort, and inspiration when we need it. We have a lot less control than we think. And Heavenly Father is really kind because he's allowing me to give over the reigns a little bit at a time. Even though he's had them the whole time. I just like to hold on with a death grip and convince myself that I am actually directing. But we all know, I'm not. He's in control, and He's got my back.

I'm right where I'm supposed to be for now. And I'm happy. What more could I ask for?