Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tic, Tic, Tic

Sometimes its fun to give a little window into the life of a Tourettic grad student. I say things that I can and can't do and people often say "Oh, I never thought of that." I smile.

So here are some things in my life that are influenced by Chronic Motor Tic Disorder (the official name of my always present friend).
1. The laptop I'm typing on doesn't have the "tap click" turned on. I don't know what its really called, but you know the square where you move your finger around and it directs the arrow on the screen? And when you want to click something you just tap? Yea. Mine you have to click the button instead of tap. When I used to have the tap turned on, I tapped a little too much and could never stay on the page I wanted.
2. I take a long time to put on mascara. No, I'm not a diva. I just have to pause a lot so my arm can tic. Otherwise it would end up all over my face, or worse, in my eyeball :)
3. I really like straws. Open glasses are all well and good, but when you have a glass tilted at your face, and your arm jerks, you get messy. Wonder why I always order water? I don't want to be sticky by the end of my meal.
4. My shirts have loose seams. If I wear shirts that are constricting at the seams at all, they rip when my arm flies at 50 MPH (exaggeration of course).
5. I get asked if I have hiccups or cold chills at least twice a day. Even when its 90 degrees outside. And its really funny when the person sitting next to you in Sunday School/at the movies/in the library starts to notice you are moving a lot and in interesting ways so they begin to watch you out of the corner of their eye, while looking very confused, and they think you can't see them. I like to blow them a little kiss when I see that. Not really, but can you imagine how funny that would be.
6. In between writing I have to put my pen down. I can't hold it in my hand or else ink will end up in places its not supposed to be.
7. Breathing is a task. I have to essentially gulp in between abdomen jerks so I get enough oxygen. If I get light headed you can know my abs are probably just ticcing a lot and I'm not getting enough air.
8. Allow me to demonstrate something. Take one of your muscles, lets say your bicep. Now contract that muscle. Now contract again. And again. Now contract that muscle every few seconds randomly all day, every day for the rest of your life. Now imagine your other bicep, your abs, your thighs, and various other muscles participating in these contractions. That's me.
You don't want to arm wrestle me. My muscles are working out all day every day.
9. I'm grateful when people can ask me about what is happening with my body. And can even joke with me about it.
10. I'm even more grateful when people know I have it and get so used to it, they forget I have it and don't notice the tics anymore. That is a true tender mercy.

I have something that makes me totally different from all but 100,000 people in the U.S. Obviously, if I'm as awesome as I am now, God had to give me Tourette's or else I would have been SO AWESOME the Earth would not be able to contain my awesomeness. I had to have something to "hold me back" in the eyes of others. But in reality, Tic Disorder is more propelling me forward, figuratively and literally :)

So if you ever wonder why I am so high strung, or get so excited about things, or am just plain crazy, remember I'm just doped up. Meaning I have a lot of dopamine. In my substantia nigra to be exact.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Where Are You Hiding?

So remember Miranda... the overly motivated, driven, go-getter Miranda? Her friend, named motivation, has decided not to be friends anymore and has gone into hiding. This is a problem. I can't get anything done, and have become friends with this evil little thing called apathy. Not good. Motivation, come back! Let's be friends again! I promise I'll give up Disney Channel and everything. Be my friend.

On another note, to avoid getting real work done, but still pretending to be productive I research what I want to do in the future. In thinking about the future I realized, by next December I'm going to have to start narrowing my choices. How did that happen so quick? I know its a whole year away, but it always sneaks up faster than I expect. It was less than a year ago that I was clueless as to what came next in my life while applying to grad school and praying like crazy :)

So, because I like daydreaming and have this problem where I live more in the future than the present, here are my options for after graduation: 1. Get a job (my least favorite) 2. Serve a mission for my church (my favorite) 3. Teach for America 4. Go for a PhD 5. Find a random internship abroad. If I had to guess right now, I would say I'll serve a mission, come home, get a job until the school year starts and then do Teach for America. But we all know how things work out when you plan :)

We'll see. Maybe I should learn to live in the present and do some homework every once in a while before I start planning post-master's life.

P.S. I start seeing clients REALLY soon. Like this week/next week soon. Woot/scaredness!
P.P.S. I became an aunt for the 6th time this week. My new niece is Cora Ann. I can't wait until Christmas!!! It's days like this when I really wish I didn't live in Utah. Alas, I will see my wonderful, family soon enough.