Friday, August 31, 2012

This is Not What I Planned...

I've been incredibly blessed in my life. I have dreamed so many things and watched them come to life. I wanted to graduate college at 18. It happened. I wanted to go to Oakcrest twice. It happened. I wanted to come to BYU for grad school. It happened. I think you get the drift. 

So, in my mondo spoiled life thus far I can say that being in Provo at BYU still is the first time a large life transition (or lack there of) has not been what I planned. My MTC date was last Wednesday. And I'm not on a mission. At least 8 times this week I have ran into someone on campus and they've looked at me funny and said "Aren't you supposed to be on a mission?" And I have to explain, it's coming. Just not yet. 

I think everyone has these moments in life. Explaining to people why you are not doing what they expected you, or even what YOU expected you to do. I feel for those people who have had to do this multiple times and with bigger issues. Like why they are not marrying the person they were engaged to, or why they haven't had kids yet. You know... the stuff that everyone is always nosy about, and that is fun to share when things go as planned but mortifying to explain when they don't.

Honestly, I'm starting to feel like the old girl that's done with school and just hangs around but no one understands why. The one that's always a little weird. And creepy. But then I remind myself, I'm 21. It's ok to still be at college. And as for the fact that I'm taking 3 years to do my master's instead of 2. That's ok too. In my program, lots of people do actually.  A little less than 50% to be exact.

I am grateful for people in my life that make my decisions and paths seem normal. Earlier this week, with genuine interest and care, the wife of a member of the Bishopric in my ward (meaning the wife of one of my church leaders) asked me what the plan was. I explained that things had changed and I am now leaving in February. She said, "You know what, sometimes we have to wait for things we really want. And in the mean time maybe there's important work you need to do here." I've been telling myself that all along but hearing that from someone besides myself was really comforting. And then the girl sitting next to me in my mission prep class today said "I was planning on leaving this summer, but for some reason I needed to stay. I don't really know why, but I needed to stay for one more semester." Amen sister. 

In short, the Lord provides comfort, and inspiration when we need it. We have a lot less control than we think. And Heavenly Father is really kind because he's allowing me to give over the reigns a little bit at a time. Even though he's had them the whole time. I just like to hold on with a death grip and convince myself that I am actually directing. But we all know, I'm not. He's in control, and He's got my back.

I'm right where I'm supposed to be for now. And I'm happy. What more could I ask for?

1 comment:

Tadja Leigh said...

you're not creepy ;)
hahaha. You're a great writer. And you're so smart!! Wow, you will do great things (except you already have done a million). Miss and love you, Goldie :)