I Love My Dad

Often these words get stuck in my head:

"I love little baby ducks, and good ol' pickup trucks, and tomatoes on the vine."

And then I think of my dad singing this song in my wonderful childhood years. And I always leave that memory with a smile.

How can we....

Love life when its painful, and it hurts, and you just want things to be happy, and whole, and good?

Because tomorrow is always a new day with great potential for good. And each moment has potential to be brighter than the last. The Lord will put the right people in our life when we need them the most. And there is always a way out of the sadness that tries so hard to surround us. It's just a matter of finding it.

And most of all, when it feels like you matter to no one in the world, sometimes not even yourself... you do. You matter. Who you are makes the biggest difference in the world. Regardless of what messages are being sent to you, from how many sources, not one life of those who know you would be the same without you. You are needed. You are wanted.

You matter.

The Latest in Tourette's

Tics are funny things. They move around the body through out life and change without warning or reason. One year they will be arm tics, the next abs, the next neck, or all at once. The first few years after my Tourette's kicked in I did a lot of facial tics and biceps. The past few years haven't been so bad with shoulder and ab tics, and the occasional neck tic.

Surprise! The past few weeks my tics have moved again. And they are all centered in my lovely head. I'm back to facial tics, and lots of them. And I have some major neck tics. I've never had tics where I've needed to bang the back of my head against something, so that has been a new experience. My poor roommates are probably going to get sick of the banging sound coming from my room. It seems as though the best way to relieve this tic is to sit on my bed with my back to the wall and hit against it. As you might imagine, my neck is tired and my head hurts.

Another surprise! I'm developing vocal tics. It started as an odd whimper and has turned into to some weird grunts and HAs.

On the plus side, my neck is going to get really strong.
So if you see me making faces at you, or hear me whimpering, just know that the dopamine in my brain is having a party. No worries.

Guess What!

It's Thursday and I'm already breathing again. Happy day.

P.S. Tomorrow is interviews for next year's incoming master's applicants. I've been waiting for this day since I was in the same shoes this time last year. Can't wait to meet/torture/comfort/get them excited for the amazing journey grad school/MFT/other paths in life will take them on. Oh to claim experience. It's a good feeling.

Over My Head, Under a Blimp

Have you ever had so much to do you just wanted to release the intensity of the stress somehow? Cry, exercise, have a lot of fun, something? Like somehow you got stuck under a grounded blimp and you just want to exert all your energy to push it off but it's going to take awhile. You love it, but lifting the weight of what you love would be great.

That's me.
But I always remember, when Friday comes, I'll breathe again.

Until then my friends.

I Love...

...that you can learn to love where you are, and not hate it until its over. I love Provo! Can you believe it? Or maybe I just love my life and therefore love the place in which my life resides at this time. Either way, its wonderful!

Disclaimer: This is a very long story. But, if you begin this story, you must read to the end or else, you will not leave happy.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived in Portsmouth, Ohio where she attended college. This little girl's days were filled with magic and happiness and she loved what she was doing and learning. However, even though the little girl was happy in Portsmouth, she dreamed of the day when she would get to go where she had always desired, Provo, Utah. Then one day she found out she would go where she always desired, and do wonderful things at a wonderful graduate school called BYU.

However, when the little girl moved to the wonderous place, her days were no longer filled with happiness and magic. She became sad and questioned everything she had wanted. Why wasn't it like she pictured? Why wasn't it as splendid as she imagined? She strongly disliked where she was. She strongly disliked what she was doing. And she strongly disliked some of the things she was learning. Did she pick the wrong career choice, or was something else at work?

For weeks the little girl tried to find the answer and sought happiness in all the places she had found it before in her life. But alas, no luck.

Then, one day, the little girl decided that she did not want to spend her days in Provo buying her time until she could leave as had been done in Portsmouth. She wanted to enjoy every minute of the experience and be so happy along the way. She wanted her life in Provo to be everything she had imagined it to be. So she worked very hard with a very important, yet unseen person in her life to know what to do. And guess what the result was. Lots and lots of SMILES and LOVE and HAPPINESS!!!!

The little girl's days again were filled with magic and wonder, and this time is was more magic and wonder than she had ever before experienced. Day after day more and more things fell into place and the little girl's path was laid before her. Without the each step clearly visible, she joyfully skipped down this path with flowers and sunshine all around.

I have been so blessed that things have turned around for me. Nothing has really changed in my circumstances. I'm still in the same program. I moved, but not far, and nothing is profoundly different about that. I'm still a student. I'm still giving therapy. Pretty much everything is the same. But things are happy now.

Want to know the secret? What has made the profound difference is the quality of my relationship with my Heavenly Father and the quality of my relationship with myself. I do not announce this to the world by any means to say how great or spiritual I am. I say it so you can know the fastest way to happiness that I have found. And you're welcome to steal my happiness finding techniques. In fact, please do.

A friend of mine once gave me some advice to ask the Lord for the greatest blessing He desires to give me right now. At the time, I didn't do what my friend had said, but this past week I got the feeling that I should. Not knowing what this gift might be, I asked for it. I didn't know what it was, but I knew it would come. Today, I was prompted to ask what it was, I did, and I was given the answer. You'll never guess. It was HAPPINESS!!!! The greatest gift my Heavenly Father has to give me right now, is me being happy where I am and with what I am doing RIGHT NOW. Not just in what the future holds. What a great blessing :)

Happy Sabbath!!!

Run, Run, As Fast As You Can!

I'm running a 1/2 marathon!!! I wasn't planning on announcing that in case I don't make it past the finish line. But, I have a reason for bringing it up. Sarah June, a friend of mine from my program, and I are running for the Tourette Syndrome Association and we're hoping to raise money for research and education programs. If you would be willing to donate, go here, and be my hero.
The race is May 7th so we have until then to raise $1000. Just think, maybe some day I'll be tic free and I'll be able to thank you because you helped find a cure.