Say What?

I went to the grocery story a few days ago and ran into this guy: I still have no idea what it is. But I love it.

Fall, Fall, Fall

Fall was full of lots of firsts for me. Including:

My first semester at BYU

My first time seeing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir live

My first client

My first prank at BYU

My first Oakcrestie mission farewell (where I got to see these beautiful ladies)

My first BYU Creamery banana split (and my last)

My first getting asked to homecoming in an awesome way

There were a ton of names on the back, but when I washed it, this appeared:
My first acceptance of being asked to homecoming in an amazingly cool way
If you can't tell these are a ton of letters which when arranged spell out, "You're Mr. Wright for homecoming night" (his last name is Wright. Clever, wright? :))

It's been a fun semester. But, if you know me better than a distant acquaintance, you know I've really struggled this semester. Struggled with adjusting to Provo life, post-Oakcrest life, grad school life, and crazy Tourette's attack life(although this wasn't new, but in a new situation). I have had a really hard time being happy. It's probably been the most personally/emotionally/spiritually challenging 4 months I've had yet in my young life.

BUT! This semester I am determined to have an amazing, fulfilling, HAPPY time! My motivation came out of hiding and I feel lighter. I'm in a new house, and a new ward and I'm ready for the semester and my renewed strength. I feel great! It's going to be a wonderful semester. Get ready folks, cause the happiness is already oozing out of me once again. I'm back baby!

P.S. I L-O-V-E my new ward. They're just my type. Me=So happy :)

Dear 2010, You're Over

I'm a couple days late but I thought this year demands reviewing for the eventfulness it contained. In 2010 I:

-Interned for Scioto County Juvenile Court
-Interviewed for grad school at BYU
-Got into grad school at BYU
-Interviewed for OAKCREST
-Got into OAKCREST
-Got the Psychology Major of the Year Award (not to brag or anything)
-Graduated college
-Was given a new car by my awesome parents
-Moved to Provo
-Served my heart out for 10 weeks in the most wonderful place on Earth AKA Oakcrest
-Started grad school
-Moved within Provo
-Survived my first semester of grad school
-Started seeing clients (yea, I give therapy! Can you believe it?)
-Had the most heart wrenching moments and moments of despair I've ever had in my life
-Had the most joyful, uplifting, hopeful, happy, and sacred moments of my life

It's been an unbelievable year. A year ago I was planning and hoping to do almost all the things on this list, but I had no idea the journey these things would take me on. The ups and downs, the highs and lows, the love and the pain, the amazing friendships I've developed, the hearts I've touched, and more importantly the hearts that have touched mine. This sounds a little extreme but this year was extreme for me. I had no idea what it would be. But looking back, I love what 2010 has taught me and made me.

Here's to a great 2011!

Girls and Healing

I just discovered this website. And I think it's brilliant. There's something about voicing your deepest darkest secrets and bringing the darkness to light that is so healing and so therapeutic. When that which is dark and shameful, and embarrassing is brought to the forefront and the world does not fall down around us, or does, then healing can begin. I love it. And on a website like this where you can learn from the experiences of others, or relate to them and realize you are not alone, its great.

I've recently began to realize the magnitude of the way women view themselves. In our society women of every age, little girls, teenagers, young adult women, middle-aged women, moms, grandmas, and everything in between are never pretty enough, smart enough, do enough, are enough. I'm so lucky that I grew up in "realistic" family. I always knew there were certain things I wasn't great at. But I also knew that it didn't matter. Regardless of whether I was as thin as kids at school thought I should be, I could be happy. I was still going to grow up and be successful and be a good person. Regardless of whether I was as smart as was expected of me, I was still going to do just fine.

I've always known I have flaws, but I am not flawed.

Girls today are not given that message. When you have flaws, you can get rid of them or improve on them. When you are flawed, it is just the way it is and it can't be fixed. My family somehow gave me the message that there is always room for improvement, but you are not your weaknesses, and you can be happy and confident along the road of growth.

And, as a side note: Healing is so powerful. This might sound weird and maybe its a therapist thing, maybe its a human thing, but I think you can feel when healing is happening for others. For example, when I opened the website listed above I literally felt healing flow out of the screen. Or when I walk past the doors of therapy rooms, from time to time, through the door I can feel the power of what is happening inside. Having felt this makes me want so badly to be a great therapist. I just don't know how to be one yet. I'm trying, but it's so forced. I don't know how to help people heal. But I want to. Maybe I'm taking the wrong approach on this. Any thoughts?

Howdy

Hello blog reader. It's been a while. Soon (when I get a spare moment, rather than minute) you'll hear all about my adventures from this semester. For now the simple thought that's on my mind will have to do.

I go home in 10 days. That fact makes me so happy I could cry. In fact, I'm getting a little teary with excitement right now. Home :)

Tic, Tic, Tic

Sometimes its fun to give a little window into the life of a Tourettic grad student. I say things that I can and can't do and people often say "Oh, I never thought of that." I smile.

So here are some things in my life that are influenced by Chronic Motor Tic Disorder (the official name of my always present friend).
1. The laptop I'm typing on doesn't have the "tap click" turned on. I don't know what its really called, but you know the square where you move your finger around and it directs the arrow on the screen? And when you want to click something you just tap? Yea. Mine you have to click the button instead of tap. When I used to have the tap turned on, I tapped a little too much and could never stay on the page I wanted.
2. I take a long time to put on mascara. No, I'm not a diva. I just have to pause a lot so my arm can tic. Otherwise it would end up all over my face, or worse, in my eyeball :)
3. I really like straws. Open glasses are all well and good, but when you have a glass tilted at your face, and your arm jerks, you get messy. Wonder why I always order water? I don't want to be sticky by the end of my meal.
4. My shirts have loose seams. If I wear shirts that are constricting at the seams at all, they rip when my arm flies at 50 MPH (exaggeration of course).
5. I get asked if I have hiccups or cold chills at least twice a day. Even when its 90 degrees outside. And its really funny when the person sitting next to you in Sunday School/at the movies/in the library starts to notice you are moving a lot and in interesting ways so they begin to watch you out of the corner of their eye, while looking very confused, and they think you can't see them. I like to blow them a little kiss when I see that. Not really, but can you imagine how funny that would be.
6. In between writing I have to put my pen down. I can't hold it in my hand or else ink will end up in places its not supposed to be.
7. Breathing is a task. I have to essentially gulp in between abdomen jerks so I get enough oxygen. If I get light headed you can know my abs are probably just ticcing a lot and I'm not getting enough air.
8. Allow me to demonstrate something. Take one of your muscles, lets say your bicep. Now contract that muscle. Now contract again. And again. Now contract that muscle every few seconds randomly all day, every day for the rest of your life. Now imagine your other bicep, your abs, your thighs, and various other muscles participating in these contractions. That's me.
You don't want to arm wrestle me. My muscles are working out all day every day.
9. I'm grateful when people can ask me about what is happening with my body. And can even joke with me about it.
10. I'm even more grateful when people know I have it and get so used to it, they forget I have it and don't notice the tics anymore. That is a true tender mercy.

I have something that makes me totally different from all but 100,000 people in the U.S. Obviously, if I'm as awesome as I am now, God had to give me Tourette's or else I would have been SO AWESOME the Earth would not be able to contain my awesomeness. I had to have something to "hold me back" in the eyes of others. But in reality, Tic Disorder is more propelling me forward, figuratively and literally :)

So if you ever wonder why I am so high strung, or get so excited about things, or am just plain crazy, remember I'm just doped up. Meaning I have a lot of dopamine. In my substantia nigra to be exact.

Where Are You Hiding?

So remember Miranda... the overly motivated, driven, go-getter Miranda? Her friend, named motivation, has decided not to be friends anymore and has gone into hiding. This is a problem. I can't get anything done, and have become friends with this evil little thing called apathy. Not good. Motivation, come back! Let's be friends again! I promise I'll give up Disney Channel and everything. Be my friend.

On another note, to avoid getting real work done, but still pretending to be productive I research what I want to do in the future. In thinking about the future I realized, by next December I'm going to have to start narrowing my choices. How did that happen so quick? I know its a whole year away, but it always sneaks up faster than I expect. It was less than a year ago that I was clueless as to what came next in my life while applying to grad school and praying like crazy :)

So, because I like daydreaming and have this problem where I live more in the future than the present, here are my options for after graduation: 1. Get a job (my least favorite) 2. Serve a mission for my church (my favorite) 3. Teach for America 4. Go for a PhD 5. Find a random internship abroad. If I had to guess right now, I would say I'll serve a mission, come home, get a job until the school year starts and then do Teach for America. But we all know how things work out when you plan :)

We'll see. Maybe I should learn to live in the present and do some homework every once in a while before I start planning post-master's life.

P.S. I start seeing clients REALLY soon. Like this week/next week soon. Woot/scaredness!
P.P.S. I became an aunt for the 6th time this week. My new niece is Cora Ann. I can't wait until Christmas!!! It's days like this when I really wish I didn't live in Utah. Alas, I will see my wonderful, family soon enough.