Pathetic? Oh Well. I'll Spill My Guts Anyways

I rarely talk about my love life on here. Partly because I think my blog is already giddy-little-girlish enough without talking about boys. But the other part is because there's not much to talk about and I don't want to sound pathetic.

But here's my idea. If I publicize the extent of my patheticness and the far reachingness of my creeperism, it makes both of those things ok. Right? :) Well, correct or not, you're about to read my story.

So I've never really liked a boy that didn't like me back. (I know, I've been lucky, or just conservative with my crushes). This was true until three months ago. Then the rejection began. Don't worry. There was no awkwardness. Just the realization that he doesn't know how AWESOME I am.

Since then, it's been weird. I found out, via facebook (hence the creeperism listed above) and a couple close friends that 1 of my ex-boyfriends is getting married, and 2 are moving in that direction very very quickly. Really? All 3 of these guys wanted to marry me at some point, but for one reason or another things didn't work out and now they all want to marry someone else. Honestly, its normal and that's the way life happens, but it stings a little. And I'm willing to admit that.

I think there's something inside of all of us, that no matter how long its been since we were with someone, there's this need to say "Hey, my life is awesome. And you're not a part of it." Something in us wants to show that we're good without them. We wish them the best, but secretly hope that when we run into them we will be able to say things about our lives that will make them think for a minute. What's that you say? You don't think these things. Oh. Me neither. (Head down in embarrassment).

So I have a confession. You know Miranda who is really independent and has a hard time really letting people in because of it? You know Miranda that loves being single and free? You know Miranda that wants to travel the world, and save the children, and do tons of amazing things? Well, Miranda also has developed a secret desire. I'm embarrassed to say it, but here it is: I think I actually want a relationship and even to get married someday. I don't know why I'm embarrassed. Getting married has always been a part of my plan eventually. Maybe my feminist roots have just dug down too deep.

So there you have it folks, my deepest darkest secret. I want a relationship. And I like a boy. Those words are like vinegar on the tongue, but they're true. I hate that I want this because I feel like I'm turning my back on the things I could do (even though I know being a mom is the best thing I could possibly do). But on a larger, and more shallow scale, I hate it because its typical. And I hate being typical.

So until I have this relationship that I not-so-secretly anymore would like to have, I plan to continue living my single and carefree life (except for the whole grad school and therapist thing).

Shame, you just got attacked! Take that!