The Ushe

We have no hot water. 

I need to shower. 

Thus I need to kill a few minutes waiting for the tank to fill up.

Thus I will write about nothing on my blog. 

I move home... in 2 weeks exactly. 

I leave on a mission to California... in 75 days. Yeah, I got my new MTC date if you didn't hear (February 13th).

I graduate... probably never :) 

I have an Oakcrest reunion in... 21 days. 

I dance... all the time.

I laugh... often enough for now. 

So in case you were wondering. That's the update. Happy Friday!

I'm In Love, I'm In Love!

And I didn't even know it. Some friends and I were driving around up in the mountains looking for trail head and we stumbled across this beauty.

. I asked if any of the boys I was with had purposely placed this because they knew we would be driving that road that day. But alas, none of them have the initials KF. But apparently whoever KF is, we have a beautiful relationship. Beautiful enough for graffiti. I was touched. Now I just have to find him :)

This is Not What I Planned...

I've been incredibly blessed in my life. I have dreamed so many things and watched them come to life. I wanted to graduate college at 18. It happened. I wanted to go to Oakcrest twice. It happened. I wanted to come to BYU for grad school. It happened. I think you get the drift. 

So, in my mondo spoiled life thus far I can say that being in Provo at BYU still is the first time a large life transition (or lack there of) has not been what I planned. My MTC date was last Wednesday. And I'm not on a mission. At least 8 times this week I have ran into someone on campus and they've looked at me funny and said "Aren't you supposed to be on a mission?" And I have to explain, it's coming. Just not yet. 

I think everyone has these moments in life. Explaining to people why you are not doing what they expected you, or even what YOU expected you to do. I feel for those people who have had to do this multiple times and with bigger issues. Like why they are not marrying the person they were engaged to, or why they haven't had kids yet. You know... the stuff that everyone is always nosy about, and that is fun to share when things go as planned but mortifying to explain when they don't.

Honestly, I'm starting to feel like the old girl that's done with school and just hangs around but no one understands why. The one that's always a little weird. And creepy. But then I remind myself, I'm 21. It's ok to still be at college. And as for the fact that I'm taking 3 years to do my master's instead of 2. That's ok too. In my program, lots of people do actually.  A little less than 50% to be exact.

I am grateful for people in my life that make my decisions and paths seem normal. Earlier this week, with genuine interest and care, the wife of a member of the Bishopric in my ward (meaning the wife of one of my church leaders) asked me what the plan was. I explained that things had changed and I am now leaving in February. She said, "You know what, sometimes we have to wait for things we really want. And in the mean time maybe there's important work you need to do here." I've been telling myself that all along but hearing that from someone besides myself was really comforting. And then the girl sitting next to me in my mission prep class today said "I was planning on leaving this summer, but for some reason I needed to stay. I don't really know why, but I needed to stay for one more semester." Amen sister. 

In short, the Lord provides comfort, and inspiration when we need it. We have a lot less control than we think. And Heavenly Father is really kind because he's allowing me to give over the reigns a little bit at a time. Even though he's had them the whole time. I just like to hold on with a death grip and convince myself that I am actually directing. But we all know, I'm not. He's in control, and He's got my back.

I'm right where I'm supposed to be for now. And I'm happy. What more could I ask for?

The Musical Reminder

Guess what! Big news! I am officially old in enough to rent a car with certain rental companies. I know. It's exciting. I'm 21. The day finally arrived yesterday. Happy birthday to me. 

As my birthday approached last week a few songs from my past came rolling into my head. One of my favorite things about music is the ability of a song to take me back to an event or a time in my life and recall long forgotten memories.

So to commemorate being alive for 21 years, here are 21 songs that remind me of some good times:

1. "From This Moment On" by Shania Twain - My mom had a cassette tape of this song and would play it what seemed like every time we got in the car. Of course I sang my heart out with her everywhere we would go.

2. Any song from the Dazed and Confused soundtrack including but not limited to "Low Rider," "Cherry Bomb," and "Jim Dandy" - One of my favorite childhood memories is my dad taking us to school with a mandatory chocolate milk and donuts stop at Bob&Carls on the way. Anytime I was in the car with dad, Dazed and Confused was on. I loved it.

3. "Wild Thing" by The Troggs - Karaoke nights at Green Meadows camp ground. Enough said.

4. "Heart in a Blender" by Eve 6 - Driving in the car with my brother Brad before his mission wishing I could be as cool as him.

5. "Dancing Queen" by Abba - Dancing around Ashley Rings' living room making up a dance to this song

6. "Melt" by Rascal Flats - Staying the night at Sydney Simons house in 6th and 7th grade.

7. "Kerosene" by Miranda Lambert - Going dancing with Ashleigh Achor and Elizabeth Murphy to this random dance club thing that had just opened. Yep. We were the only ones there. But we managed to have a blast anyways.

8. "Wake Up Little Suzie" by the Everly Brothers - Swing dancing in high school

9. "Do You Know" by Enrique Iglesias - The house in Portsmouth.

10. "Fireflies" by Faith Hill - My curvy road, countryside drive between Wilmington and Portsmouth that I took a couple times a month for two years. Gorgeous.

11. "When the Rooster Crows" by Red Rock Rondo - Laughing my head off with my family and Andrea McDonie back when she was Andrea Hoch.

12. Anything by Owl City - Pennsylvania road trip with Andrea. Big Muskie's Bucket!!!

13. "Party in the U.S.A" and " Hoe Down Throw Down" by Miley Cyrus - Oakcrest 2010 and screaming campers and the best dance parties of my life.

14. "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars - My dear Bethany Dunford blasting this song over and over and over again through the apartment one Saturday. It was great.

15. Anything by Coldplay - Of course reminds me of Jon Schoenhals and Sydney Crane

16. "Rasputin" by Boney M - Dancing in the living room with my Amanda Hales and Kiersten Cole to get PUMPED before dates or other important events.

17. "Feeling Good" by Michael Buble - Watching Amanda dance in the bathroom while getting ready/PUMPED for dates.

18. "Paradise" by Coldplay - Sydney coming home and talking about how magical her day was.

19. Anything by Andy Grammer - Cleaning checks with apartment 1 late, late into the night.

20.  "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction and "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen - Human fireworks at Oakcrest 2012 and SCREAMING CAMPERS!!!

21. "I'm the World's Greatest" by R. Kelly - Oakcrest 2012 Directorship getting PUMPED. And Giggles' interpretive dancing of course.

It's been a great 21 years. Here's to many more and lots of laughs along the way!

This Week at Camp

I got my first package of the year at Oakcrest this week!!! Woot! I was really excited. I opened the package to find this:

I was a little confused until I read the note.

 

So I got four hugs this week from four of my favorite people in the whole world. 

 

  Ella, Preston, Brennen, and Griffin. Best package ever. I didn't know how much I needed this until I got it. And Preston cheered up a homesick camper this week by giving her a big hug. I love my family.

Rapid Pace

Things change FAST in life. This week things have changed profoundly. Everything fell apart and now everything is being put back together. So here's the deal, I AM doing Oakcrest. If you read a certain post that I posted earlier this week and have since taken down, things have changed again, and I am spending my summer at the happiest place on Earth. Done. 

Next change. I am not going on a mission in August. But I AM going on a mission in December/January. At least as far as I know. Like we've witnessed this week, things can always change. But that's the plan for now. And my Stake President can put my mission call on hold so I can most likely go to the same mission that I was called to go to for August. And in case you didn't hear where that is, its CALIFORNIA FRESNO SPANISH SPEAKING. I'm pumped. But I'll just have to wait a little longer. No biggie. 

So you might ask, "Then what are you doing between August and December?" I am going to be sticking around Provo one more semester. I'm not finished with my master's program so I'm going to finish up the coursework I have left for that.

Things can change in an instant. And all we can do is be grateful when things work out. And have faith when they don't. Lucky me, things have turned out ok. I am one blessed little girl. 

So that's whats going on in my life. I will live in Provo a little longer. And hey, four more months to find a husband right? :) If you know me at all you will hear the sarcasm in that last sentence.

This story was given at a BYU devotional the week I came to visit, a year before I started my program. Its one of my favorites:
At first I saw God as an observer, like my judge, keeping track of things I did wrong. This way, God would know whether I merited heaven or hell when I died. He was always out there, sort of like the President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didn’t really know Him at all. But later on, when I recognized my higher power better, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, on a tandem bike, and I noticed God was in the back helping me pedal.
I don’t know when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since... When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring but predictable. It was always the shortest distance between the points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places and at breakneck speeds; it was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He [said], “Pedal!”
I worried and became anxious, asking, “Where are you taking me?” He just laughed and didn’t answer, and I found myself starting to trust. I soon forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure, and when I’d say, “I’m scared,” He’d lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed; gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey. Our journey, that is, God’s and mine. And we were off again. He said, “Give the gifts away, they’re extra baggage, too much weight.” So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light. I did not trust Him at first, in control of my life. I thought He’d wreck it. But He knew bike secrets, knew how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear places filled with rocks, fly to shorten scary passages.
And I’m learning to [be quiet] and pedal in the strangest places, and I’m beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, my higher power. And when I’m sure I can’t go on anymore, He just smiles and says, “Pedal . . .”

So, when all I can do is pedal, I do. And I know that he is in control and I can go down paths which he has sent me. So that's what I'm doing. And already I have been given gifts and given some of them away. But always there is peace, and my burdens are light.

Not Yet...

No call yet. 

But you'll be happy to hear, my nausea has subsided. I'm just excited and peaceful now. Thus I can be patient a little longer. But I hope not too much longer :)

I Can't Take It Anymore!

I put my mission papers in a week ago. Judging by when a few of my friends have gotten their calls I should get my call on Wednesday. LONGEST WEEK AND A HALF OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! I think about it all day. I dream about it at night. There's no escape. 

 

If it doesn't come on Wednesday, I'm gonna lose it. Go totally bonkers. I'm not sure if this madness filling up inside of me is excitement, or fear, or doubt, or joy, or nerves, or what! All I know is I need to throw up pretty much all the time. I know, TMI. 

Wednesday. 3 days. I can do it. 

Everyone Needs to See This

I found this today. And I love it. 

Tender Mercies

For some reason I have developed this weird habit of storing important pictures on flash drives. I don't know why I do it. I just always have since high school.

I had a flash drive that was devoted to my Oakcrest 2010 pictures. One day about 8 months ago I was looking for this flash drive and could not find it anywhere. Knowing that this had all my pictures from one of the most important experiences of my life on it, I cried. I thought it was lost forever. I knelt in prayer asking/pleading/more of begging Heavenly Father to help me find my ever so important flash drive with pictures of all of my children (children meaning campers) on it. I believe I said the words "PLEASE! Just let it turn up SOMEWHERE! ANYWHERE! As long as I know where it is."

I continued looking and no luck.

About 3 days later my roommate got an email from a missionary in Belgium who she had recently sent a package to. The email asked why she sent him a flash drive with pictures of girls at some camp on it. Belgium! What are the chances?! I guess somehow it fell into the package or something. It definitely showed up SOMEWHERE.

Over the past months my roommate has asked him about this flash drive and we've heard no other word on the matter. Until a few weeks ago. HE STILL HAS IT!!! He just needs an address to send it to. I could not be more grateful. Pictures are one of those things I would protect with my life! Maybe not my life. But they mean a lot to me.

Sunshine Reminds Me Of...

It is so nice outside!!! It is wonderful. This weather gets me excited. But not for the reason you might think. Yes, it means I get to play outside all day long which is exciting. But more than that, it means a new adventure is beginning. Whenever summer weather begins it means the end of one section of a chapter and the beginning of another. And for me, this year it is the beginning of the last few paragraphs of a chapter that is closing. And that means the end of my time in Provo and at BYU.

Goodbyes are a long process for me (can you tell? After all I am already thinking about it and I still have 3 months of school left). They are long and sad, but I am really good at goodbyes. When the fact that I am leaving a part of my life sets in, I am sad and I know that I will miss what I am leaving. But as soon as I leave it behind, I am excited and ready for the next adventure. There is little dwindling or pining for what once was or missing what I once had. When I left Portsmouth 2 years ago, it was a sad moment. It was like I was leaving a part of me behind. I had my day of reverence for that beautiful place that changed my life, but the next I was ready to be on the road to Utah!

I am finishing seeing clients and I am in the last semester of actual classes. My time is ending. But when this phase of my life is over, I'm going to Oakcrest! And then I'm going on a mission! What more could I ask for?!

This goodbye is not as hard as others have been (not yet at least). The past two years have by far been the hardest of my life. My soul has been shaken several times. The things I thought would always be constant in my life amidst an ever changing world, I let go of. It has not been pretty. But, of course everything works out in the end. And among the very low points were shining and ever bright high points. And I want to remember every bit of it. Good. Bad. All. It has been two years of becoming.

Now I get to finish out the grad school phase with a bang! Live up having LDS roommates that are my age (which I will probably never have again) and all the goofy and fun things BYU Mormon culture has to offer. I am one luck girl. Sometimes the shadows of life come and block our view of the glorious road just beyond the shadow. But guess what. My shadow is gone, and I'm moving forward to a beautiful mountain.
Literally, the mountains of Kamas, UT where I will spend my summer

P.S. WE HAVE A STAFF FOR OAKCREST!!!!!!!!!!! We hired most of our fantastic staff over the weekend and I cannot wait to meet all of them again and have an amazing summer with them!

Meet My Valentine...

To all those who seem to be confused by the prolonged nature if my singleness: I feel the need to assure you that I do interact with men.

In fact, I will tell my latest love story. Last fall I was riding the bus in good old Provo and a man got on. Yes a real live man. He came and sat across the aisle. The man started chatting with the guy in front of me, but it was obvious he was just too nervous to talk to me directly. Finally he got up the courage and conversation sparked between us. He then proceeded to tell me his life story and how he was throwing a benefit concert for the Children's Hospital. I didn't believe him but I went along with it. Then he handed me this:I asked who the performer was and he said it was him! Check out this hunk!

So I knew from the start, he was different. Match made in heaven?

I think yes! He may have been 45, homeless, crazy, and had a voice that sounded like the cookie monster, but it was love at first sight. Why would I want a boyfriend when I can have interactions like this!? I hope my mom approves!

I'm A Big Kid Now

Last week I did something that I have been too terrified to do thus far in my life.

I went out to dinner.

By myself.
On a Friday night.
At a sit down restaurant.

With a waiter.

And people at other tables.
But not at mine.
It was a proud moment.

I won't lie, it was uncomfortable. But I played it cool. Like a classy girl in a cafe who enjoys just hanging out with herself. I did use my journal as a buffer though. I sat and wrote like a mad woman. I think the waiter was more uncomfortable with it than I was. He kept coming up to me while I was eating just to chat. I think so I wouldn't be lonely. But I was perfectly content to just sit and enjoy my time. Shame attack! I'm a grown up. Next up, going dancing alone. It might be a while before I get that much gumption though.

My Dreams

Things are rolling.

Oakcrest is going great! We start interviewing the staff tomorrow. It is hard to keep my excitement under control. I cannot wait to spend my summer in my home away from home.

School is school. I'm just finishing up, but it's hard to find motivation when I'm so close to the end! But let's be honest, it was hard to be motivated at the beginning because you have to first get used to things, then in the middle there's the half way lull, and now I'm near the end. So really, I've done no actual work for the past two years. But somehow I've made it through. My explanation:
Fairies.

Now to the new big dreams I have.
I want to go to Israel. Jerusalem specifically. I want to see and walk in the places I've only read about and seen pictures.
The problem. I can't find anyone with the time or money to go. I want to go in May before Oakcrest starts. I could go by myself, but being a young girl, I'd rather not get kidnapped or killed. Thus, I opt to use the buddy system when traveling out of the country. So,
Do you want to go to Israel? You should come. With me. In May. Or if you know anyone who could or would go, let's be friends.

The Little Things

Yesterday at Panda Express while I stood in line, the man behind me stood VERY close to me. Then I heard a very faint humming sound. He began to sing ever so softly which was directly in my ear because of his chosen close proximity. Almost like he was purposely serenading me. Let's ignore the creepy nature of this and just acknowledge... Tender!

Changed My Life

My sister introduced me to this over break. I just showed it to my roommates a few hours ago. We may have the dance memorized already. Eat your heart out.